I can’t help but to fall for a guy who sings. I’m so guy crazy it’s not even funny for real. It’s like lust never love. If you have a talent and u and you chasing a dream then most likely I can rock with you. It’s something about ambition that I find so freaking attractive. So shoutout to all guys out there that are chasing the dream. I salute you. Ambee loves you!
Im 23 years old and alone. There is no other way to explain it. Everywhere I go I feel alone. In a room full of people I am alone. There is no one who understands me. I am so misunderstood, and I am sick of trying to explain myself. Why did life have to be like this for me? I have no idea what God is trying to tell me, let alone show me. I feel as though I can’t open up to people because they are so judgmental. They claim they are all ears but never do they listen. The only time I can speak my mind is in my music. It is the only outlet I have. I’m tired of holding in how I feel. At this point in life I don’t care who likes me and who doesn’t, but it hurts when people say they will be there for you and they are not. Let me vent one time.
I’m 23 and I’m not working full time like I want to. I seriously thought things would be like sunshine and rainbows once I graduated. I really try my hardiest not to compare myself to others, but in my mind I think that’s why people don’t hang around me. This could just be a crazy thought, but my “friends” don’t tell me why. I have another thought in my mind; that I hear from no one because I am a boring person. So, I think in my mind “have I gotten boring?” Am I boring because I don’t find excitement in going out for drinks every weekend? It’s empty calories. I still drink but drinking to get “wasted” is something I have left behind in college. No I’m not to “good” to drink; some things don’t phase me like they use to. Some people can’t get pass that. No really am I boring??? My phone is forever dry. I bet I can turn it off for an entire 24 hours and no one will know. I really wonder why I have a phone anymore.
My family doesn’t even pick up my phone calls. Ever since my last two years in college I try to keep up with all my family. Seven people I knew have died in the years 2011 and 2012 and that wasn’t even all family members. It was the hardiest thing to deal with, so I just want to have a relationship with every family member because I don’t want to look back and regret not spending time. I recently recorded a song that will be a part of my EP and I want to play it for just my family but the only people who have heard it are my parents. Eh. Am I reaching out to all the wrong people? I have no idea. Unanswered phone calls time after time are starting to be a regular occurrence. In almost a year I’ve seriously learned that people make time for what they what to make time for……..
I’m really into meeting new people but they never follow through. I don’t get my hopes up anymore. It’s crazy, I feel like I’m a good friend. I feel like I’m a good person. I am not perfect, but I am trying to be a better person each and everyday. So many people call me “best friend” , but I don’t even know the meaning of that anymore. Like are you my best friend too (in return?). I never hear from you at all. It makes me think that I a m not thought of. I can honestly say that my best friend is locked up in jail in New Jersey. Pierre is the only one I can tell EVERYTHING to without him judging me. The fact that writing letters makes it easier. It’s hard without him. No I haven’t known him for 10+ years, but it’s the fact that we can say what’s on our mind and I can hold him down and he tells me the truth means the world to me. There are a few other people who I feel like we can have a great friendship as well. I wish people would take the time to know me like for real. Half the time when I’m wearing a smiling my heart is hurting in the inside. I’m just trying to find what’s real and what’s not. I just want to be taken seriously. I don’t want to be labeled or limited by the things I do in life. I want someone to value my opinion. I want to seem like my voice matters. Is that too much to ask. I just want what’s real. I don’t have an attitude. I have bottled up emotions. There are things I need to get off my chest and I want to get them off my chest without judgement.
Yea, I’m rambling on and on and on. Will anyone read this? Really don’t know but I will say this: You will get all of me on this here personal blog of mine. Not just a bunch of re-blogs. Not a bunch of pictures. No filter at all. I am not limited to 160 characters. I love this blogging shit. I know there is someone out in the world who is feeling the same way as me.
"I hope you understand when I call out to you to vent" ——-Big K.R.I.T
Lord please keep me humble amen.
I feel like my generation is never going to settle down. Am I the only one who thinks this way? No really. It’s so sad. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to rush my 20’s. It’s just that when you get older you start thinking about your future. Well at least I do. The question comes up: “Where do you see yourself (insert number) of years from now?” I’ll insert the number 5.
Five years from now I see my self settling down. I’ll be 28 years old. That’s damn near 30. I think that’s the perfect age to settle down. If my life isn’t together by then, then who would want to settle down. I have this theory that by time you are 25 you should know what direction you want to take your life. That is a quarter century.
So maybe by time I’m 25 then I’ll be with someone who is serious about life and such. Maybe that guy won’t be dating just to date. I believe that it is perfectly fine to date just to date as of now. Once you are 25 you should be looking for your future him/her. I will be looking for him. Well I don’t search for anyone. Things will eventually come together.
Right now I’m single because guys my age are so into buying the newest pair of J’s, hitting the club every weekend, and then (if they do have a job) are hungover on Monday. It’s rare to find someone who just periodically would want to just stay in and have a nice dinner. Or spend time with their family. Plus, I get bored easily and most guys I have come across can’t hold my attention to have a stimulating conversation. then there is the fact that I question if a guy can handle a girl like me.
Basically guys won’t serious till later in life. Blah. Ughhhh. I’ll be patient, but I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want. I’ll chill. Yea. For now. Holla at me when you turn 25 maybe?